The Hobbits had no cars, but Middle Earth did have AIR transport! So here’s my rewrite:-
LOTR abridged by John T. Shea.
Once upon a time Frodo Baggins hopped onto an eagle, flew to Mount Doom, dropped the Ring into the volcano, flew back home, and lived happily ever after.
Peter Jackson is making a movie version that will be thirty seconds long and cost 500 million dollars.